Naruto Uncut
by penned-name
Summary: What could possibly happen if the Naruto manga would be made as a show on TV? let's take a peek at the Naruto series offcam set.


**Disclaimer**: I own Naruto and just deal with it ok? Nyahahahaha! Joke joke joke!

**Guys, here in the story, the Naruto series is actually a show, with real life actors! And here's the great deal, the entire actors name is the same as the ones in the anime, and they look really identical too! Here please read, I hope you don't find it weird.**

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"Cut! Cut! Cut!"

The director signaled for another break. He shook his head vigorously, enough to show how really dismayed he is about his actors and actresses. There's a lot of pressure in him right now, especially that Naruto series had been a great hit internationally. He called one of his personal assistants and asked her to get them something to drink. Maybe they just need to cool down with some refreshments.

"Hahahaha! Sasuke, that's your 29th take for that scene! We've been doing this career for like a million years and yet your acting still sucks! No wonder why they chose Daniel Radcliffe for Harry Potter role rather than you!" A blonde french teen teased his co-actor while he polish his newly bought trendy surfboard.

"Naruto, you brought your surfboard again here in the set? I know you are really a surfer, but please don't forget to maintain your tan-colored skin tone. If you get any darker because of too much surfing, you would look exactly different from our past episodes." Itachi, the Naruto series director, producer, and at the same time manager of all the casts, reminded his star.

"Damn it, I was planning to surf the whole day tomorrow since it is our day-off! I guess I'll just have to put a lot of sunscreen tomorrow…" Naruto said, to himself aloud, as he saw the dark raven haired british boy came near him. He then rested his surfboard on the wall to prepare for a small word-fight.

"During those time Naruto, they 'actually' prefer me rather than Daniel Radcliffe… I only turned down their offer because Europe is too far from here. Although that place is my home town, Japan for me is the new place to be. And besides, playing as Harry would mean leaving the world of Naruto… I just wanna clear you with that…" Sasuke said to Naruto with a smile on his face, but with a little air of arrogance. His british tongue is still evident in him, even after three years of Nihonggo lessons.

Itachi tried to find his comfort zone on his director's chair, moving his butt uncomfortably, and then managed to speak. "Sasuke may sometimes lack facial expression, but his charm can't withstand the path of stardom to take him… and besides, the character that he portrays best suites him. All he got to do is be stiff, to be aloof and to be unfriendly."

Naruto pressed his pointer fingers to Sasuke's chest. "See Uchiha, you got the easiest role. So don't brag all about it!" The french teen was happy teasing Sasuke; but it was just for pure fun; there was no intention to piss his friend off.

"That's unfair Itachi, my role is the hardest! I have to act bitter all the time and go like _'Oh, Itachi, I'll gonna kill you! I will get revenge for the Uchihah clan!' _Sasuke changed his tone into a girly voice with that. "Oh, how I wanted to do that in real life, it's totally not me! And why did you choose to play that antagonist role anyway?"

"Oh. So you are getting tired of your script lines ehh? Ok, I'll guess I'll gonna talk with Kakashi the script writer. And by the way, I chose that role for me because it's the only character where in I could be the 'strong' guy and at the same time, I don't have to appear that often. You know, I have to direct the shoots and do a lot of other stuffs, so I could only appear often in screen." Itachi said it in a know-it-all tone.

"Fine Itachi that's great…" Sasuke totally ignored Itachi. "…so moving on Naruto…" Sasuke shifted his angle to face Naruto. "…atleast I don't need stuntmen to do my stunts, unlike you-hooo!" Sasuke rolled his eyes, playing along, as he smiled to his simple word-revenge for his friend.

"Waaaaah? Aint you stupid Sasuke? Whenever I do my Kagebunshin technique, I have to have at least 3-5 stuntmen to do my stunts along with me. Get it? Along WITH me, meaning, I also do stunts, moron! Using special effects for all the Narutos is not advisable because it lessens the effectiveness of the scene. It's more convincing to use stuntmen in my case so that the fighting scenes that uses that technique would look all natural! Aint it right Itachi?"

The two expected Itachi to say something, but when the two friends looked at him, their beloved director was already busy talking with Gaara, which is also one of the off-cam staffs. Gaara showed Itachi papers inside a blue folder, and as they continue conversing, Itachi started to look worried. He glued his eyes thoroughly at the papers, trying to examine them page by page.

"So is there any problem, Itachi?" Naruto asked as he and Sasuke moved closer to Itachi and Gaara to interrupt their worries. "…and oh, Hi Gaara!" Sasuke gave Gaara a high five as greeting.

"Ohayo Naruto, Ohayo Sasuke. We got series of problems here, but they are all minor and manageable, I think." The red haired Japanese boy said in Japanese fluently. After all, it's easy to speak the language you had grown up with. "Just take a look on them and try to figure out things with Itachi, because I have to dash and do my work… So, I guess, see you later then!" Gaara then walked away, leaving them the blue folder to ponder upon.

The two boys moved to Itachi's back to have a closer look on the papers inside the blue folder. They ducked in to take a look on a series of photo copied news and magazine articles, all having one of their co-actors or actresses as the main topic. Both guys read the first article with great curiosity.

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**Loose Weight And Loose A Career!**

By: Chukino Kimimoto

Choji, one of the major characters of the internationally hit Naruto series is said loosing his fans. Ever since his loosing of weight had been noticeable to the viewers of the show, his fans dropped down drastically along with his weight. Our researchers said that his weight crashed down from a big 252kg to a very low 156kg, just after a month since he started sumo wrestling.

"I use to love Choji because of his adorable chubby figure. But now, I think he is less attractive." A former avid fan had said. "I wish the 'big man' Itachi would hire Choji a health consultant to watch his diet." Itachi, the Nauruto series director, producer and cast manager is called the 'big man' since he is the man behind the Naruto series' global success.

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Blue eyes shifted its sight from the article to black eyes. "Sir Itachi, being the responsible man for this, I think you have no choice but to get Choji a health consultant to check his diet daily." Naruto said.

Sasuke pressed his two fingers in his chin. "Hmmm, and I guess doing so won't hurt the show's funds anyway. I suggest that we'll get a health consultant that could find ways to make him fat without making him prone to heart disease and all." Sasuke said, being the health conscious guy.

"Oh, well… that I guess is my only option, but there's more here see, you two, take a look at this one and let me know what you think…"

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**Behind those white eyes**

By: Zelitha Quirino

It is said that the eyes is the window to a person's heart. Does Neji Hyuuga's blurry white eyes mean his career is turning to a blur too?

Neji was rushed into St. Lukes hospital yesterday, optometrist section, at exactly 10 pm, because of major irritation in his eyes. Dra. Ericka Gerner said that the irritation was caused because of using cheap and fake branded contact lenses, causing irritation to Neji's original emerald green eyes. The said contact lens was brand named 'see-true contact lens' which is an imitation of the high class brand 'see-through contact lenses.

According to Neji, the fake brand see-true was recommended by the 'big man' Itachi. "Itachi is such a miser… he wanted everything cheap, to prevent over spending…" Neji said.

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"What a coincidence, your name is here again Itachi…" Naruto smiled, saying what is obvious.

"Yeah, Itachi, you are really famous!" Sasuke said in awe.

"I could be flattered with that fact, but sadly, the way they insert my name on their articles were all negatives. Oh, I guess I have to spend some of the funds to those expensive contact lenses. Moving on, look at this next one, for this one is even worse! My name is not on the article, but this article really makes my blood rise!"

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**A detour to his true self.**

By: Paper Roses

"I am officially announcing that I am not already attending any shooting for Naruto series. I felt I was violated to the first degree with acting the perverted role, that's why I will now bring out my true character back in the public." Jiraiya said to ABC news team, after we discovered that he came back to his former job, which is being the man inside the red tele-tubby mascot "PO."

"I am playful and I am really a true kid inside like PO, that's why I came back to this work. I hate being the perverted guy. Whenever I walk along the streets, woman became more cautious because they think I will do something bad to them…" Jiraiya was teary-eyed when we had that interview with him.

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"This article lacks something… If I am the writer, I'll end this article with…. '_If only Itachi, the 'big man,' was so sensitive about the feeling of poor Jiraiya, then things could have been so much better…_' Sasuke teased Itachi.

"You, naughty British Caucasian boy… you are such a teaser, but there is an actual reason why I hated this article so much." Their director said.

"I know loosing Jiraiya in the cast is not a good thing, but I also know that you never liked Jiraiya personally. So, why do you hate this article so much Itachi?" It's Naruto's turn to ask.

"It's because Jiraiya is such a hypocrite! Damn that guy! _A kid inside? A kid inside_? He's making me laugh so loud here; I think I am going to die out of laughing!" Itachi said sarcastically. "If I know he doesn't really wanted to be a mascot! Such an actor!"

"Yeah, he used to tell me how hot and itchy it feels being inside that mascot. He kept on telling me that it is so heavy, it makes him sweat like mad." Sasuke tried to remember his small talks with Jiraiya, but it just irritates him remembering how boastful and annoying that man is.

"And, you guys don't even know, that Jiraiya approached me last week, demanding me to make him my assistant director! He even wanted to me raise his income! Duh? I cant have such an idiotic assistant director! And to top all his idiotic demands, he even scared me that if I won't give what he wants, he'll quit his job with the show!" With gritted teeth and clenched fists, Itachi said.

"Chill Itachi, that's ok. We will just get a high paying actor who will replace his job. He is useless and irritating anyway…" Sasuke tried to calm down their boss. "Naruto and I will just read the next article ok?"

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**Boobs pumped up, not once, but twice!**

By: Mark Ezchefliger

The hot sexy, voluptuous actress of Naruto series, Miss Tsunade, also miss world 2000, is proud having her breast implants for the second time around.

"My boyfriend Itachi, the 'big man,' loves big boobs. That's why, I love mine bigger! And also with this, I can also pursue the career I had longed to take for years, which is to be a Hollywood sexy superstar!" Tsunade said, also taking note that everything for the operation will be paid by his new boyfriend Itachi.

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**Sorry guys if I had to cut the story there! This is supposed to be a one shot, but it's already midnight here in the Philippines, and I am really sleepy and I need to catch myself some sleep! Please R&R or else! I would not type and post the rest of the story! Don't worry, everything is written in paper already. Ciao! Hoping to hear from you guys!**


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